Friday, August 24, 2012

Life - Give it all!!!
"Most things in life seem beautiful only coz of the distance between the observed and the observer... Go too close, and the beauty diminishes, the blemishes are more clear, and the earlier allure will disappear... This is true for everything, including friendships and relationships... If you wish to keep them beautiful and buoyant, never be too close to anyone, or let anyone get too close to you... Keep a 'critical distance' always... This critical distance has to be decided by you, but it has to be there, if you do not wish to be repelled by the symbolic warts and all... :)" - N Sampath Kumar

Something I stumbled on Facebook, a sentiment i agree in large measures.

A variation of this sentiment i once heard from a friend who fell in love easily was. Give any person enough time, they will give you reasons to fall out of love!!! Cynical as it maybe, can happen. I heard Sal Khan or was in Randy Pauch say the opposite. Give people time, you will find some thing you will like about them. (None of the them  the exact words, the sentiment remains true though on both counts) 

Agree completely on account of the fact that when one does get close and for a long period of time, warts and all come into play. where i seem to have an alternative is in the solution. though on deeper thought i do draw lines. With time i have terminologies that have evolved, I have what i call now my inner circle of people. People i believe with whom i can be me and they them. A bunch of people who are liberating and not constricting and one does hope that one has is the same to them (else they will do themselves good to relegate me to their outer circles).And as the circles move outwards distances and gates start playing their roles. None of this is a conscious effort. For now with regard to this piece am going to stick to my inner circle. For in some ways i seem to do just what is suggested in the primary statement or maybe a hybrid of that and what I do for the inner circle. A combination of distance and acceptance again not by conscious design, more aided by the lives that we live that ill affords getting close with too many folks. 

The way I see it here and now is, true love, relationships, growth, all of them flourish when one sets oneself free not when one is calibrating and calculating. One needs to let go and just let be, take things as they come. the warts and all that we encounter when we get close enriches rather than blemishes. This is not to say the path strewn with petals. The imperfections and their acceptance there off make the relationship richer. Have always found people i love extremely good-looking, it obviously has less to do with the way the look and lot more to do with what i feel for them. Same goes with imperfections and the warts once we love some one accepting them as a whole is so much more natural. To me then it is less about drawing line and keeping distance, it is more about getting close and embracing the person. Like the contrary view in statement two with that level proximity also come that many more reasons to embrace and be happy. None of this is thought off, they just come about and so far have not had reason to wish otherwise.

If we could do that with every relationship and entity guess then we would in a different league. 
A comment to the primary statement i saw on facebook got me contemplating further. 
" i defy doesnt hold good for all things. A mother is the closest n most beautiful creature......n so is true love.....even the blemishes look so beautiful!!!!! its all abt love, that particular feeling or the feel that has no quantum......"

To me that statement has two parts to it - One that reaction is born out of deep-set social conditioning over god only knows how many thousand years, and would happily debate that point. For as we grow we do become critical of our parents the sheen does come off and what ever respect or love that is left or newly born are less out of obligation - (anyways a different topic for a different time). 

In the time frame that statement is true, why is it so? Couple of reasons. (1) Children by far live in the moment, if there is anger or disappointment they express it, feel and do not try to rationalise it as much - so live the moment and flush out the emotion. Nothing brushed under to come back another day or leave scars that magnify the warts and cause pain. (2) The acceptance of the other person so complete that the warts do not matter as much. 

Which to me could work pretty much the same way in our adult life. Why this whole thought process, for at some level i do believe one needs to give it all in a relationship or in any pursuit. Does not that open us up to risks and make us vulnerable. Maybe yes, but is the same traits that give us strength and unbridled joy. Ye bit of gamble one could say. Given what life has given, i rather throw the dice with gay abandon, for every snake that brings me down am sure i will find ladders that will take me up. Funnier so the snake and the ladder could be the same person at different times!!!

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