Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Let the bird fly......

Let the bird fly, if it comes back it is yours,if it doesn't, it never ever was yours... as simple as it may sound, have seen very few people who have been able to put the concept in practice. More often then not, most of us hold onto people ever so tight, for the fear of loosing them. In the process doing them more harm by crowding them, hurting them and not letting them explore and find themselves. All this in the name of the immense love we have for them.

Remember once reading a definition to selfishness which has stuck to me since, it goes something like this "Selfishness is not to do what you want to do, but to want others to do, what you want them to do" to me ones love for some one would be in similar lines. To love some one, will not be to lead their lives for them, rather would be in supporting them in leading their lives the way they aspire to live it.

How many times have we heard our self say (more so in a romantic relationship, guess we do it in all relationships, but the shrillness of the emotion is so toned down that we don't always pick it up for what it is) I want him/her, I want it to work out between us, My happiness revolves over this relationship working well, I want to marry him/her and different variations of the same rant. More often than not these aspirations revolve around what we see as, bringing our sleves happiness.

How many times have we lost sleep hearing voices in our head saying, I want this working out, giving us both happiness, Wish he/she will find happiness with me, Hope I am able to let the person be, hope we are able to grow up together, that he/she finds her dreams and becomes the person he/she so wishes to be, Hope he/she is able to fulfill her aspirations.. My guess is before we have  half finished the spectrum of possibilities in that line of thinking we would find ourselves deep in sleep land...

Why when in love we seem to think one dimensional in terms of what we want, rather then what would my partner want... trust me, there would be many a lifetimes lived with spouses or partners not being vaguely aware of the answer to the question.....

We crowd each other so much that there comes a time when marriages / committed relationships for many start to seem a curse instead of a blessing. We concoct rules to the effect that a partner in a relationship could not do stuff by themselves without the other being present, or they have given up the right to forge friendships and explore life by themselves or with a bunch of similar thinking people.. and if one did do so, it  is seen a crime if not more. Being together does not mean becoming one (reminded of a quote "marriage makes two one, question is which one?), it is about enriching each other, being there for the other, to be the strength that helps your special one live his/her life better.. letting go of them and letting them be...

Is there then a risk of loosing that one person you love so much, would he or she in the process of finding him/her self out-grow you, find their inner self that you become redundant and loose that special place in their life. Even worse would he/she find some one else who he/she thinks is special and would rather move on... Possibly yes, we do run the risk of loosing that person in that context, but did you ever own him/her? Do we ever own anyone?

wouldn't you rather have a bright lively person evolve and move on from your life to find greater happiness whether it be through another person or through the self than see the person morbid, shackled and caged by your love??
The answer to me is simple (let the person be, let them blossom...). I said simple not easy..(easier than tying people down though) - Life is Simple, not always easy

Ps: I think of people who can let go, let be, and be there for you come what ever, as strong - And ain't I lucky to be blessed (on this count as in many others)  with strong people in my life, not just a partner, but pretty much most of my inner circle. For all I have said I need to learn better the art of letting people be


  1. nice thoughts. Unfortunately many a times good intentions are tainted with fear. and longing.

    I have found that, while I know letting go is the right option, my fear of loss is far greater than my love.

    such is life.

  2. Plato would certainly appreciate the thoughts.!!!!
    Had he been alive he may seriously think about suing you for plagiarism!!!!

  3. @Vinayak each one our way, else the world wouldn't be such an interesting place to live in :-)

  4. sensible! Atleast for the ones who are yet to get into the M thing.. makes them think what they want to from IT!